Back to School ‘Scaries’
Shifting from summer mode back into a school schedule can be an adjustment for the entire family. Embracing this as a time of change can help ease some of the frustrations.
So you finished the school shopping, signed up for all the events and sports and now it’s down to the hard part; the schedule change. While the kids have anxiety about their teacher and friends, parents are thinking about how difficult it will be to get everyone to bed, into the shower, out the door, the list goes on. Fortunately, while change is hard, it is a chance to re-orient and try some different things.
#1 Take one day at a time
While planning and being prepared are essentials to leading a household, take a deep breath and think about what you want your kiddos to learn and remember from this time. Unless we forgive the challenges and learn to move through them, we can start to create self-fulfilling prophecies. “This is going to be a tough year,” or “Blake is never ready on time!” are thoughts that feed frustration. One-day-at-a-time-philosophy says, “This morning was insane!” and then moves on to the afternoon. When we let the frustration roll off a bit, we can be present with the experience our child is having, not just our own.
#2 Simplify
There are a lot of ‘new’ things happening for you and for your child at the start of a school year. Cut the slack you all need and decide to let a few things ride. Maybe for the first month choose to have chores on the weekend or turn down any extra events that would keep everyone out later in the evening. Set yourself up for success to get the essentials done; eat, sleep, play, work, repeat. Often with fresh-starts we can amp up our expectations to get everyone on a healthy diet, to bed 2 hours early and a whole host of things at once. Remember, one big change at a time is usually best.
#3 Schedule Transitions
While digital culture suggests that we can jump from one task to another, children are a rich reminder that we are complex and organic beings. Plan 15-30 minutes after school where everyone can adjust to being home. This means eating, homework or even putting things away might not happen immediately. Set expectations by talking about the “break”, what comes after and then check-in with them after the time is over. Some children may need a snack, others may benefit from sharing about their day, others will disappear to change clothes and get outside. Learn to accept this as a time for them to shift out of school and feel ready for the “next thing”
#4 Work as a Team
One exciting thing about kids growing older is they start to have the ability to contribute to the family needs. Within reason, allowing them to contribute is much like them advancing at school. Key is recognizing what is age-appropriate. Maybe starting 3rd grade means a special alarm clock, putting them in charge of getting up a little more independently. They will still spend 45 minutes in the bathroom staring off into space –so don’t abandon the parent duties quite yet—but taking a leap to trust kids with what they can try on their own will help everyone in the long run!
#5 Tune In
A daily check-in with your child is a great habit to build from the beginning of the school year. This is best when it is intentional. Many days they may not remember much, or skip important things (like forgetting their backpack), but having a check-in time is still important. Go beyond “How was your day?” and ask specifically about friends, classes or even teachers. Use the drive home and give everyone a chance to tell about their “Best and Worst” of the day. No need to fix, or reprimand—just learning what the landscape of their day was like. This can really help to understand what might be going on for your kiddo. If they were overstimulated or had a challenging day, expectations for the evening may need to be extra clear with extra time allowed for getting things done. Even being over-excited can be exhausting for kids. Knowing a little more about their day-to-day helps you know where they have unique needs for a little more support.
