Besides difficulty sleeping and muscle tension, I think mental rumination is the number one challenge for the majority of my clients. Many of them have turned to mindfulness podcasts or meditation apps and have found some relief, but usually rumination is the new ‘normal’. They don’t have a lot of hope that it will go away.
While I’m not in the business of dispensing magical cures or unrealistic hope (at least I try not to), there are some things that happen in the therapy room that can make an enormous difference. In the context of an exercise routine and mindfulness practice, I feel even more hopeful for my clients.
In today’s culture, I am grateful that we are learning to connect caring for our body, movement and mental health. While these are valuable regulation tools, there is the reality that if we don’t shift the root or cause of the stress, we are battling a losing cause. Learning to shake off stress with some somatic movement is a real thing. It is most powerful when it activates a new belief; the root of our impulses, reactions and emotions are how we see the world and ourselves. Yes, thoughts.
How does that help, you say? If my mind is already spinning, how is it helpful to think more? Great question! In fact, overthinking is part of the problem with rumination. It can be from a perfectionistic drive to get things “just so” or it can be based on a belief that “If I just think this through, things will be better.”
See what I did there? It wasn’t the obvious thoughts, it was the belief underneath. This idea can have us trapped in certain patterns of thought, deeply ingrained that we are helping our situation and our life by adding mental energy to it. Some of my clients’ break-throughs come when they become so tired they just can’t think straight. They are forced to simplify things. Focus on one thing at a time. Pick their battles. Now we are getting somewhere.
Counseling and therapy is an investment, something that I myself pop in and out of depending on where I am at financially/mentally. Here are some things that can help you decide if counseling could be beneficial and what to look for.
Counseling Needs a Good Fit
Most obviously you need to feel that you can open up and trust the person you are working with. Some of that is chemistry and some of that is the counselors experience. While there isn’t a need for “specialty” in every single aspect of counseling, finding someone who has sat for over 10,000 hours across from people not too different from you is pretty helpful.
It can also be helpful to make sure they can make you feel understood and show capability of helping you think differently. Accept this as slightly uncomfortable, in an exciting way. If they agree with you, that feels good. If they offer a new perspective, that’s where you can try new ways of being. It’s okay to push back and disagree. And it’s also okay if you need to come around.
Counseling Needs Patience
Imagine deciding that you can’t like your favorite food any more. That’s called dieting, right? Or lifestyle change? Change is never easy. Especially the things that feel second nature, comfortable and “safe”. That can be food– or it can be our decisions about people and ourselves. As my dad would say, “a man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still”.
While I’ve always been pretty goal focused, being a therapist has taught me that patience is much more important than the actual information. The world already dispenses enormous amounts of random information, more rare is finding a place and a space where you can be patient enough to dig deep. You might need to spiral and circle the drain. You might need to accept your anger to let something go. It’s an important part of my job to help my clients recognize the process of change or when something is no longer productive.
Counseling Needs Progress
Patience aside, you should have a sense that your counseling is working. You and your therapist should agree on what the goals are. Tracking that progress should be a combination of observing yourself, asking the important people in your life and checking in with the therapist. Why so much work, you ask? Well, it’s your life and you don’t have to. However, real change shows up in our behaviors, our relationships, our emotions. So yes, you might feel better (check). You might also find yourself yelling less even though you still absolutely dislike the thing. It might be that others see you more relaxed or happier when you can’t. And when all else fails, your therapist should help you recognize change for what it is. Sometimes feeling more, crying more– well, hate to say it, but that might be your progress.
If you resonate with this approach and would like more information, please check the link below.
