One of the biggest barriers to embracing needed change in our lives is knowing our expectations. Expectations for therapy are no different. There is a lot of information floating around, personal testimony, and even previous personal experiences that create our ideas of mental wellness and what mental health counseling actually is. Let’s talk about some of those myths and what to expect from counseling.
Counseling is wallowing in my problems:
While verbalizing and sharing our story has neurobiological as well as psychological benefits, you absolutely will have to do more than just talk about it. Good therapy means you find something beneficial in your conversation that is worth trying out in real-time. Trying new ways of communicating, learning to slow your reactions, learning to recognize unhelpful thoughts—these should become practical and useful ways to actually make change.
With historical hurts that may have happened in your childhood, your therapist may take extra time to help you feel safe and to make sure you aren’t caught in a shame-cycle. Even then, your growth will include figuring out what your current role is in the challenges of your daily life. Your therapist wants you to feel heard and to be able to reclaim control, which means knowing what is your responsibility.
I don’t want to sit around re-living my childhood all the time:
It is important for your therapist to know as much as possible about formational experiences in your childhood and you should expect to give them context for your life. It is also true that the foundation of trauma treatment means facing and resolving important chapters in your life story. That does not mean that is where the focus stays. You should feel that the conversations about your past are connected to current challenges, emotions or reactions in your life. This means discovering new ways of being and re-writing unconscious scripts that keep you stuck.
I’m still “making it” so I’ll probably be fine:
Just like your physical health, noticing small changes and needs in your emotional well-being can prevent bigger health crisis later . Counseling can become a priority before symptoms become a problem as well as when things feel more overwhelming. Each individual responds differently to the same situation, so need for support can vary depending on your background, support system and even pre-disposition to mental health challenges.
Talking about the problems in my family is disloyal:
Counseling is a private and neutral space for good reason. There should be a space where we can say anything. While blaming others for our choices and decisions is unhealthy, recognizing the patterns of family relationships or speaking up about ignored abuse and neglect is an important part of healing. Mixed feelings about loyalty is to be expected, which is why domestic violence is such a taboo topic and often ignored rather than confronted. Talking directly with your therapist about your fears about talking openly can be a good place to start.
I can’t afford to be in therapy forever:
Great! Healthy therapeutic practice works to empower you and connect you with other support systems. Sometimes severe mental health challenges deserve ongoing support, but that is a choice you make with your therapist. Sometimes moving on from therapy can feel scary even when we are ready. If you are working on your own goals outside the therapy room, you could benefit from short-term work or “tune-up” sessions just as you might need weekly support during more stressful times.
Spread the word about “good therapy” by sharing the things that have made a difference for you! Someone may benefit from your knowledge as they consider seeking help. #endthestigma
