Here goes the second piece on Emotional Intelligence skills. This is in two parts, as reading all these at once might feel like an insurmountable task, one more set of “things” to learn/do/master. Hopefully you digest these more like morning pastry; one a day until they are completely stale. We can’t learn everything all at once, or even care about everything all at once. Such is the benefit of time in our journeys. Pick up the ones that inspire you and leave the rest for another day.
Empathy
We are mostly familiar with empathy, the idea of really understanding how another person might be feeling. Because certain people are gifted at empathy, we might expect it is intuitive, or in-born. Yet, just like the other aspects of Emotional Intelligence, this is a skill that requires practice. Developing an understanding for another’s perspective requires a desire to understand and willingness to put our own perspective in the back seat. This means listening to really understand. More difficult is the need for genuine concern and ability to recognize others feelings. It is very possible you will find Empathy a difficult or abstract idea until you are aware of your own emotions and experiences. It must be so much more than a theory; it requires the desire to learn, use imagination and validate another human’s experience.
Decision-Making
It might be surprising that making decisions is highly connected with emotional intelligence. We often think of this skill as a left-brain event, involving our best cold-logic. Unruly or ignored emotions can interfere with a well-rounded decision. Making good decisions means understanding how emotion is impacting our perspective and staying calm as we consider our options. Good decisions also require factoring in things that we have learned from past decisions. Emotions of guilt, shame, insecurity can blind us to important feedback or willingness to make changes. Anxiety about past decisions might make us delay or hesitate under pressure, avoiding another negative outcome.
Conflict Management
Handling conflict well can be a superpower. Developing the ability to have respectful dialogue puts you on the high end of EQ and success. Many times early life relationships with family and friends impress only the negative sides of conflict. We might put off conflict, work around it (silently) and then wind up facing it only when we are most frustrated. Emotional intelligence means recognizing issues early and facing them promptly. Learning to depersonalize issues and getting curious if there might actually be a “win-win”. If we haven’t seen the beauty of a win-win, or even a “agree to disagree”, we will continue to avoid potentially powerful conversations.
Social Skills
While this arena seems to cross many of the other skills, it can be summarized as the ability to build strong relationships. The combination of good communication and conflict resolution contribute to a person’s ability to have solid relationships. Poor communication habits or difficulty with conflict can undermine the most sincere efforts within relationships.
Growth Mindset
Individuals with high Emotional Intelligence typically seek continuous learning and opportunities for them to reflect on their growth. This means looking at everything as opportunity and chances to grow. This flips the inner script of failure or fear of judgement that can prevent us from smoothing our rough edges or amplify our greatest gifts.
Leadership
Perhaps because of the other positive qualities, high EQ can include great contributions to leadership. Leaders who are open to feedback, calm, good at decisions, working on their own growth… I think most of us would choose THAT manager or leader. When we put ourselves in a position of excellence and learning, we are in front to show others how to progress and be their best version. This does not mean being good at everything; instead, it means the awareness to recognize our unique strengths. It can even be intelligence to leave certain tasks to others, understanding that their skills might be a greater fit than our own.
Reading these doesn’t suddenly make any of us perfect or even have greater Emotional Intelligence. It does give us some ways we can adjust our perspectives to include the powerful human factor in the daily business of living. Some cultures teach their children more specific etiquette; and we may be at a place where including certain social prompts and scripts for children would enhance their ability to cooperate and feel connected in their world as adults. Maybe social nice-ness is not so much about being perfect, excellent or even control, maybe it is part of the best version of humanity that we are all missing. Worth a shot. What do we have to lose?
