The joke is often it feels like “too many tabs or open”, a humorous way to say there is a lot on our mind. This also alludes to the unproductive nature of holding too many things in our mind. While it can take practice and often direct feedback from a counselor or therapist, even children can begin to describe the experience of having bothersome amounts of uncontrollable thoughts.
Rumination often causes people to question if they are “going crazy”. The sad truth is that the habits of over-thinking perpetuate or create challenges rather than being a sign that something is broken. Rumination is really a habit or a tendency that creates self-fulfilling prophecy. If we think too much about a problem, we syphon effort and energy away from more productive ways of managing life challenges.
Rumination is like running the laundry a second time, just to make sure things are clean. Rumination is not really about the actual need to solve a problem, it is a pattern of how we think over and over about problems, past or future. These feel repetitive, they feel unstoppable and typically people admit they aren’t really solving anything. So what are some beliefs that get us stuck in this unhelpful cycle?
Rumination is based on the belief that re-thinking things again will change something. Yes, thoughts are powerful and learning to recognize distortions and unhelpful patterns can be life-changing. Unfortunately, rumination is recycling feelings and scenes without focused problem-solving. Some important questions to challenge the thought spiral might be, “What specific change or action will this bring me to?”. Often the answer is a resounding “nothing”. Another important question would be, “What brought up the feeling that I am in trouble or unhappy?” Often the process is triggered by an emotion totally disconnected from the memories and circles we begin to run. Rather than solving todays problem, we reminisce old memories and feelings without any direction or purpose.
Rinse-and-repeat will continue to bring up old feelings. Revisiting problems in the past or things outside our control only serve as a trigger for an emotional cascade. After we start this process, we might even notice ourselves thinking more hopeless thoughts because the old emotions can bring up a sense of being trapped, stuck or “broken”. Ironically, life may be stressful but completely different than the energy and mood brought up by rumination. Shame, guilt, jealousy and betrayal events convince us that these feelings are keeping justice alive; that it makes the memory less overwhelming or disempowering when we rehearse how it happened. Unfortunately rumination doesn’t result in a tangible. There is not a moral to the story or an action point for our lives; this is why we feel so trapped.
Recognizing the pattern helps us step sideways. It can be helpful to work with a counselor to identify the ways that rumination shows up and how it impacts your life. Having a professional give feedback and coaching in these moments can work like a splash of cold water, bringing us back to a reality. It is possible to feel lost in our thoughts and developing strategies to exit the rumination is giving ourselves permission to find new ways forward. Using art, journaling or other expressive arts to express thoughts and feelings can help distance us from the thoughts. Distance, you wonder? Isn’t this about self-knowledge? Not really. In fact seeing the thoughts as a product of our mind that we can disown or re-write is more helpful than feeling that the wash of randomness is somehow about deep truth.
Some old-fashioned distraction is an incredible skill to develop. For individuals with chronic depression or PTSD, success in this area will come as very small, incremental steps. For others, understanding that something is not productive might be their escape button and help them re-orient to more tangible and productive thought patterns. Often distraction that engages the body and senses can be most helpful, although many people seek doom-scrolling as a way to scratch the itch. Unfortunately, input of random, senseless information does not help settle the sense of chaos in our mind. A ruminating mind can continue to be triggered and energized by social media content.
If rumination has become painful and interferes with your life, it might be time to seek support in finding some new default ways of managing life’s problems. Notably, while talk therapy can feel good for a while, cognitive therapies and mindfulness may be more useful for individuals who find themselves living in their thoughts.
