What Fear of Missing Out (FoMO) Says about Your Relationship with Social Media

The phrase “FoMO” has reached it’s 20^th year in existence and in the last seven years has even warranted attention from several psychological studies. While fear of missing out (FoMO) might be used generally in life, the original context is in relation to online social media interactions and experiences. It might seem as if the anxiety is about loss of social opportunity, but what we are finding is that it really speaks to a toxic relationship with social media.

It is a basic human need to develop long-lasting human relationship and connection. Social media has created a space for potential human connection and re-connection. At first glance, social media seems a natural extension and even opportunity for humans to meet their social goals. Unfortunately, the lure of opportunity can also just create a massive sideline where we observe others’ lives without any real participation. Much of these are projected or hyped experiences to which we then compare our own life.

How Can I tell If I Have FoMO?

FoMO can be defined as “apprehension that others are having rewarding experiences where we are absent” and it also includes a certain responses and behaviors. Individuals struggling with FoMO attempt to be continuously connected to social media stream, specifically to identify what they might be missing, to include themselves through online interaction or other ways of increasing their online connectedness.  Having negative thoughts about ones social value and constant refreshing of social feeds to look for updates are just a few of the indications that FoMO anxiety is present.

What Causes FoMO?

For individuals who are using social media to compensate for missing social interaction, FoMO is a very real possibility. Social media can be an appealing venue when social events are scary or absent in our own lives. As a result, teens and individuals with social anxiety or little actual social experience are drawn to social media as a way to connect. Unfortunately, anxiety is compounded by anything we avoid on a regular basis. If social experiences become replaced with online observation, real experience with people can be put off or feel uneccessary. The immediate and constant potential for positive social validation can also create a distorted sense of self and what is valuable in friendship.   The interactions are experienced as highly rewarding or distressing, interacting with the deeper human needs for identity and connectedness.

Social media struggles to truly meet the complexity of those human attachment needs. Social media relies on very few verbal cues and actual communication between individuals. Verbal cues and meaningful conversations lead to a higher sense of warmth and closeness with others. Non-verbal interactions also create vagueness,  with more possible miscommunication and misunderstanding. Some research also indicates that more time spent on social media shows increased activation of the amygdala and fear pathway. This appears to create vulnerability to feeling lonely and disconnected, strangely the opposite of the users goal.

FoMO and Metal Wellness

Fear of Missing Out may also interfere with potential for human contact with overwhelming a person with “options”. A person may struggle with making decisions or committing to actual participation in events, wanting to keep “options open”. Again the apprehension of missing out becomes predominate, creating a sense that any choice would be limiting rather than an actual opportunity.

Time spent checking and searching for social opportunities can often exceed 2 hours per day for individuals with FoMO. Interfering with sleep both in time online and in increasing pre-sleep worry, FoMO can disrupt healthy sleep and make daily life more difficult. Individuals identifying themselves as struggling with FoMO also endorse difficulty with their eating habits and increased envy and sense of social exclusion.

What Can Help FoMO?

Getting support through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be a great option for FoMO recovery. It is important to address any underlying anxiety or factors that lead a person to become vulnerable to FoMO as well as the management of time online. Support may also be needed to managing compulsive behaviors and finding coping strategies to help regulate them. Additional support in building positive, supportive relationships and increasing confidence in social interactions may also be important to break FoMO cycle. Social media literacy can also help individuals be discerning in their use of social media and understand how it impacts their life. Educational groups or trainings on this can be a great addition as a person learns how to set healthy boundaries with their old-friend, social media. Turning any relationship from toxic to healthy needs direction and these can be helpful resources for recovering from unhealthy patterns of social media use.

While this concept hit oxford’s dictionary as far back as 2013, it is relatively new as a clinical concept within mental health. Individuals may need to advocate with their counselor or clinician, ensuring the seriousness of their symptoms and struggle are recognized as more than a euphemism or pop-psychology term. Being specific about time spent online, time spent thinking about social exclusion as well as any symptoms of anxiety and depression can be important information to share with your counselor.